Welcome back to my latest installment of T’s Top 10 Man-Crushes. Perhaps it would be more appropriate if I, instead, said “Aloha”. Sit back and sip on a Mai Tai. Just let these words flow from the screen and Hula their way into your heart. In three days, when fall camp begins (ONLY 3 DAYS!!!), I know there’s a certain Hawaiian linebacker that will have my attention.
If you are a Notre Dame Football fan reading this article and you still do not realize who I am referring to, please do me a favor and disassociate yourself with the University entirely. I speak of the Polynesian Punisher, the Wildman from the Island, Mr. Manti Te’o. [NOTE: I am currently in the process of copyrighting those nicknames; so, all you journalists need to back off… unless you plan on sending me royalties, in which case have at it]. He comes into his freshman year as the most highly regarded defensive recruit since Sweet Lou’s reign.
This is one of those crushes I described in the first installment of T’s Top 10 Man-Crushes (see the 8/3/09 article), love at first sight. What is not to like about this kid? He is a quiet, unassuming, religious, genuine kid off the football field. [Matter of fact, Manti, if you are reading this: yes, you can have my daughter’s hand in marriage. She isn’t exactly born, yet. But offer’s on the table. (Pending, wife’s approval).] However, on the field Manti is a complete monster. If you don’t believe me, check out the film biography of Manti, The Incredible Hulk, starring Ed Norton (I heard their first choice was The Rock, err... Dwayne Johnson, err… Rocky Maivia). Naturally this is a metaphoric portrayal, but if you replace the tanks and helicopters with RBs, WRs, and QBs you’ll get the point.
Now let me break down some of the reasons Manti Te’o will be my future son-in-law:
1) He is Polynesian… and he isn’t playing for USC, UCLA, BYU, or Utah. Wow, I mean seriously, this has to be a first. A gifted Latter Day Saint not playing for one the above schools. Manti mentioned, in his reasons for choosing to play for ND, that he wanted blaze his own trail (I’m pretty sure he meant this metaphorically). Well, Manti, this puts you up there with Lewis and Clark, Columbus, and Davey Crockett. Actually, Joseph Smith Jr. is probably a better comparison. [NOTE: If you don’t get that reference, it’s time to educate yourself. Google it.]
2) He can make grown me cry, in more than one way. The first, and most obvious way, is through his crushing tackles. The second, and equally entertaining, is best evidenced by BYU Head Football Coach, Bronco Mendenhall. During WAC Media days last week CBS Sports Reporter and long-time ND-hater, Chris Dodd, must have touched on a sensitive subject when discussing Mr. Te’o. I won’t go into details (You can read it for yourself here), but the synopsis is Bronco performs his best imitation of a high school girl that was dumped by the star football player.
3) He has an accent. I’ll admit, I’ve wanted an accent ever since I saw Kindergarten Cop (Arnold was robbed of an Oscar; please, don’t even get me started). You show me someone who doesn’t love an accent, and I show you the Grand Dragon.
4) The apostrophe in the last name is totally sweet. I’ve already applied for my new social security card with my new name: Sul’ivan. I’ve always felt the second “L” was pretty dumb. Now I have a sweet solution. Thank you, Manti.
5) He’s rocking number 5 on his jersey. I don’t have any particular connection to the number, but seeing big defense hulks running around in numbers typically reserved for QBs, RBs, and WRs makes me smile. It brings back memories of Kinnon Tatum, who my #1 ND linebacker man-crush of all time.
Honorable Mention: He went to the same high school as President Obama (regardless of your political stance, that fact that the most famous person to graduate from his high school is infinitely more famous than the most famous person to graduate from your high school makes him better than you. Also, it increases the likelihood that the President of the Free World will watch our games on football Saturdays).
Whether or not you share my sentiment over ND’s first Hawaiian son, you can bet he will lei the opponent… on their asses.
Join me next time as I reveal T’s Top 10 Man-Crushes: #8…
T
If you are a Notre Dame Football fan reading this article and you still do not realize who I am referring to, please do me a favor and disassociate yourself with the University entirely. I speak of the Polynesian Punisher, the Wildman from the Island, Mr. Manti Te’o. [NOTE: I am currently in the process of copyrighting those nicknames; so, all you journalists need to back off… unless you plan on sending me royalties, in which case have at it]. He comes into his freshman year as the most highly regarded defensive recruit since Sweet Lou’s reign.
This is one of those crushes I described in the first installment of T’s Top 10 Man-Crushes (see the 8/3/09 article), love at first sight. What is not to like about this kid? He is a quiet, unassuming, religious, genuine kid off the football field. [Matter of fact, Manti, if you are reading this: yes, you can have my daughter’s hand in marriage. She isn’t exactly born, yet. But offer’s on the table. (Pending, wife’s approval).] However, on the field Manti is a complete monster. If you don’t believe me, check out the film biography of Manti, The Incredible Hulk, starring Ed Norton (I heard their first choice was The Rock, err... Dwayne Johnson, err… Rocky Maivia). Naturally this is a metaphoric portrayal, but if you replace the tanks and helicopters with RBs, WRs, and QBs you’ll get the point.
Now let me break down some of the reasons Manti Te’o will be my future son-in-law:
1) He is Polynesian… and he isn’t playing for USC, UCLA, BYU, or Utah. Wow, I mean seriously, this has to be a first. A gifted Latter Day Saint not playing for one the above schools. Manti mentioned, in his reasons for choosing to play for ND, that he wanted blaze his own trail (I’m pretty sure he meant this metaphorically). Well, Manti, this puts you up there with Lewis and Clark, Columbus, and Davey Crockett. Actually, Joseph Smith Jr. is probably a better comparison. [NOTE: If you don’t get that reference, it’s time to educate yourself. Google it.]
2) He can make grown me cry, in more than one way. The first, and most obvious way, is through his crushing tackles. The second, and equally entertaining, is best evidenced by BYU Head Football Coach, Bronco Mendenhall. During WAC Media days last week CBS Sports Reporter and long-time ND-hater, Chris Dodd, must have touched on a sensitive subject when discussing Mr. Te’o. I won’t go into details (You can read it for yourself here), but the synopsis is Bronco performs his best imitation of a high school girl that was dumped by the star football player.
3) He has an accent. I’ll admit, I’ve wanted an accent ever since I saw Kindergarten Cop (Arnold was robbed of an Oscar; please, don’t even get me started). You show me someone who doesn’t love an accent, and I show you the Grand Dragon.
4) The apostrophe in the last name is totally sweet. I’ve already applied for my new social security card with my new name: Sul’ivan. I’ve always felt the second “L” was pretty dumb. Now I have a sweet solution. Thank you, Manti.
5) He’s rocking number 5 on his jersey. I don’t have any particular connection to the number, but seeing big defense hulks running around in numbers typically reserved for QBs, RBs, and WRs makes me smile. It brings back memories of Kinnon Tatum, who my #1 ND linebacker man-crush of all time.
Honorable Mention: He went to the same high school as President Obama (regardless of your political stance, that fact that the most famous person to graduate from his high school is infinitely more famous than the most famous person to graduate from your high school makes him better than you. Also, it increases the likelihood that the President of the Free World will watch our games on football Saturdays).
Whether or not you share my sentiment over ND’s first Hawaiian son, you can bet he will lei the opponent… on their asses.
Join me next time as I reveal T’s Top 10 Man-Crushes: #8…
T
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